Erap Jokes ++

Cheena, per your request, here are more jokes. I hope they will make your day.

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Erap to Cardinal: Hanggang ngayon galit pa ang simbahan sa akin. This is unfair.
Cardinal: Why did you say that?
Erap: Mayroong Sabado de GLORIA, Sagrado de CORAZON, at Domingo de RAMOS. Bakit ako wala??? Eh, I was also a President!
Cardinal (after a careful thought): OK, from now on, yours is ASS Wednesday!

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Erap dreamed that he died and went to heaven. St. Peter gave him Ai-ai delas Alas as partner, saying, ‘Kung mabait ka sana , mas maganda ang partner mo.’

Erap saw Chavit with Gretchen Barretto.
Erap: Bakit si Chavit, mas madaming kasalanan, si Gretchen ang partner?
St. Peter: Iho, parusa yan kay Gretchen.

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Why did Erap shoot his wife when he bought a house?
Because the contract reads: ‘Execute all 3 copies together with your wife…’

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Pari nagmimisa: Sino sa inyo ang may kagalit?? (Taas kamay lahat pwera sa isang matandang babae)
Pari: Si lola lang ang walang kagalit… ano edad nyo lola??
Lola: 93 anyos.
Pari: tingnan nyo si lola.. 93 na pero walang kagalit!! Lola bakit wala kayong kagalit???
Lola: PATAY na ang mga WALANGHIYA!!!

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Atty: Ano? Idedemanda mo boss mo ng sexual harrassment dahil lang sa sinabihan kang mabango ang buhok mo! Ano masama dun???
Girl: Your honor, UNANO ang boss ko.. UNANO!!!

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A mental patient singing while lying in a hospital bed, after a song dumapa siya.

Nurse: O bakit ka bumaliktad??
Mental Patient: Adik ka ba??? Side B na kaya!!!

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Job interview

Boss: Why should we hire you?
Tikyo: Mas mabuti po ang bagong tulad ko dahil wala pang sungay.
Boss: English please.
Tikyo: Well, you see, uh, I’m brand new so I’m not yet horny!

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Great signs!

1. Gynecologist – Dr. Chua at your cervix.
2. Septic tank truck – Yesterday’s meals on wheels.
3. Plumber’s office – We repair what your husband fixed.
4. Tire shop – Invite us to your next blowout.
5. Electrical shop – Let us remove your shorts.
6. Maternity room door – Push, push, push!
7. Optometrist’ s clinic – If you don’t see what you’re looking for, you’ve come to the right place.

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Inspirational quote that we must always remember:

kung kaya ng iba…
pagawa mo sa kanila…
don’t force yourself.. make your life easy!!!

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Three reasons why laughing is good for your health:

1. Your heart – laughing lowers your blood pressure while increasing the amount of oxygen carried in your blood.
2. Your lungs – a deep belly laugh is like an internal aerobic workout, helping you breath more efficiently.
3. Your anxiety level – laughing lowers levels of the stress hormone cortisol, reducing tension. So take time to laugh even at the corniest joke!

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Di kaya ako makulong dito?

Hahahahahaha